The Legend of Свикольник (Russian soup)

Warning! This tale contains graphic vegetable violence!
I am simply mad with glee! My first Russian dish, against all odds, actually turned out well! And it was so easy! I began by heating up the star of the soup: a monster beet, a swollen, sanguine, headstrong tuber. She instantaneously rubbed off on everyone(/thing) that she came in contact with: they all blushed crimson from the excitement of getting up close and personal with her. She was a diva, no doubt about that!

While she basked in her stovetop jacuzzi, I gathered and readied her humdrum back-up singers: drama-queen onions that tried to make up for their commonness by causing a floodgate of tears; pleasant cucumbers, reliable, restrained, and simple; rosy-cheeked, eager tomatoes that, despite their robust appearance, turned out to be mushy pushovers on the inside; and eggs, who, once you got through their hardened exterior, were actually quite soft and agreeable.

Once our diva Scarlet got out of her bath, her skin supple and warm, she met her sudden, grizzly demise. Her weary and envious back-up singers had hired a gang of hit men to mince her to shreds. Their logic? She was grating on their nerves, and, following suit with the eye-for-an-eye punishment style, they decided to grate her.

Thus, once she was nothing but shreds of her former self, they were all in it together – united as equals. However, never being one to not leave a trace, she stained everyone with a vermilion vengeance and her legacy would live from then on.


3 thoughts on “The Legend of Свикольник (Russian soup)

  1. Ken & Donna Deem says:

    Your beet soup looked delicious. Were there any secret herbs or spices used? Brownies for dessert perhaps? Probably not very Russian, but maybe they could learn to love them as much as we do!

    • neonalmonds says:

      Thanks! It was pretty plain, mainly because I didn’t use any herbs or spices :-/ Salt and bay leaves! I’ve been a little timid cooking here, and I don’t know what any of the herbs&spices translate as (and I can’t smell them unless they’re already open!), so… salt it is!!

      …and I actually made brownies last night! They were a big hit! We had an international-esque dinner, with the three foreigners here and our Russian friends – I baked brownies, Yuka from Japan prepared awesome, awesome sushi, and Hana, from the Czech Republic, doesn’t cook, so she provided us all with flavorful Czech beer. It was great.

  2. -randianna says:

    I love the violent picture of the grated beet!

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